21-11-2013, 09:02 AM
after the last time I posted everything just seemed to go from bad to worse.
Right after that I still trained for a While then I stopped (3 weeks). It was vacation and then I founded God again serving him fanaticlily in my own way again for 3 weeks(I still ran sometimes). Then it was school and I decided I was an academical person so I did 4 large projects in 4-6 weeks( I was one of the first to hand them in and none of them was below 70%, usseally I get just around 50% for everything and it is useally late) I also did some recreational running in this time. Then one morning in the school hall they showed a movie
where Athletes were competing so that made me wanting to go running again because my academics was looking good. I started running again and training with the school. I never trained so hard in so short peroid. I ran in the morning to school(1.7km), I ran in school,I ran between switching of peroids, I ran out the classes, I ran in brake to my eating spot or to where the kids were playing soccer or throwing ball, I trained with the other kids after school and since by now the older kids were all National level(I couldn,t believe it) so I suffered.(they run 1k in 3:00 and have 1:30- 2:00 rest in between). I ran home again and that was it. This went on for 2-3 weeks then I decided to go for a morning run on a vryday. I wanted to run a easy 8:10 on a 2km but I strangely failed and that was the trigger for my mental breakdown( I also ran a few races wich I could never get under 22:00 for a 6km). I decided I didn,t want to live and if i,m going to skip running then everything else will be skipped with it. I didn,t go to school for 2-3 weeks then I sorta got behing with my above 70% academic score and I left school(my parents allowed it). I went for homeschooling but I didn,t want to have lower grade maths but the standard grade so I went for extra math classes witch was 10km from my house and decided to run there and back or walk. That ended up me doing 65-70km a week and I sometimes ran 1km,s for fun and I did it pretty fast.I still ran most of the time barefoot. Now my extra math classes are finished(but I won,t lie I began burning out in 1.8 months) and I decided to rest a week then I,l begin slowly again because I accept who I am and that I can,t train for longer than 2 monts or so except "back then" and I need to focus on my academy so I can go to university or something like that because i,m tired of living in this pit not because I have no friends, don,t speak to my family or don,t socialize with almost anyone but because 3-4 years back I said i,l get to national level or above and this is the time but i,m not there. I go high and low and I feel bad when i,m not running but I know its more than just a stimulant for me. the way I see it is get alot of money, get a bloody good Personal trainer, train my ass off and then hopefully I will achieve something with it.... and staying just fit enough for it when the time comes.
Right after that I still trained for a While then I stopped (3 weeks). It was vacation and then I founded God again serving him fanaticlily in my own way again for 3 weeks(I still ran sometimes). Then it was school and I decided I was an academical person so I did 4 large projects in 4-6 weeks( I was one of the first to hand them in and none of them was below 70%, usseally I get just around 50% for everything and it is useally late) I also did some recreational running in this time. Then one morning in the school hall they showed a movie
where Athletes were competing so that made me wanting to go running again because my academics was looking good. I started running again and training with the school. I never trained so hard in so short peroid. I ran in the morning to school(1.7km), I ran in school,I ran between switching of peroids, I ran out the classes, I ran in brake to my eating spot or to where the kids were playing soccer or throwing ball, I trained with the other kids after school and since by now the older kids were all National level(I couldn,t believe it) so I suffered.(they run 1k in 3:00 and have 1:30- 2:00 rest in between). I ran home again and that was it. This went on for 2-3 weeks then I decided to go for a morning run on a vryday. I wanted to run a easy 8:10 on a 2km but I strangely failed and that was the trigger for my mental breakdown( I also ran a few races wich I could never get under 22:00 for a 6km). I decided I didn,t want to live and if i,m going to skip running then everything else will be skipped with it. I didn,t go to school for 2-3 weeks then I sorta got behing with my above 70% academic score and I left school(my parents allowed it). I went for homeschooling but I didn,t want to have lower grade maths but the standard grade so I went for extra math classes witch was 10km from my house and decided to run there and back or walk. That ended up me doing 65-70km a week and I sometimes ran 1km,s for fun and I did it pretty fast.I still ran most of the time barefoot. Now my extra math classes are finished(but I won,t lie I began burning out in 1.8 months) and I decided to rest a week then I,l begin slowly again because I accept who I am and that I can,t train for longer than 2 monts or so except "back then" and I need to focus on my academy so I can go to university or something like that because i,m tired of living in this pit not because I have no friends, don,t speak to my family or don,t socialize with almost anyone but because 3-4 years back I said i,l get to national level or above and this is the time but i,m not there. I go high and low and I feel bad when i,m not running but I know its more than just a stimulant for me. the way I see it is get alot of money, get a bloody good Personal trainer, train my ass off and then hopefully I will achieve something with it.... and staying just fit enough for it when the time comes.